The Holy City

Ken West believes he has found a group of locals who will be involved in the purification of the human spirit, in whatever aftermath follows a world war that he says is inevitable.

West claimed the group can be referenced online, providing the following Google phrase: neryatce.

A precise Google search turns up the web site for the New York State Teacher Certification Examinations.

“It’s a group of young humanoids,” West said of the mysterious group May 29, while acknowledging the end of Memorial Day weekend and suggesting that Trump has let U.S. veterans down.

“I’m very popular here,” West said of his status with Charlottesville’s up and coming generation of youth, “But I don’t go out much anymore. I’ve got people who want to kill me.”

When asked about this remark, West cited numerous run-ins with Charlottesville police, as well as the recent tragic attack on three men, including a military veteran, which left two of them dead. The attacker, West said, “praised Timothy McVeigh,” who he called a “white terrorist.”

“I’m in a condo,” West said. “I got a smoked trout, I got a beautiful woman. We got a clue.”

To underscore the point, West ceded the floor to his female companion, who he calls “the female Jesus,” for a quite impressive narrative involving a Holy City marked with the Star of David, taking up at least one half of the United States, and the entrance of the world into an “astronomical age” where humans co-exist for one thousand years with the trinity.

West and his partner did not comment on whether the upcoming era has any connection to the “Age of Aquarius” so commonly prophesied in the latter half of the twentieth century, but did include some much darker prophesy in unrecorded remarks following a call to “seek God and live.”

Editor’s Note: In a tribute to what America has been, and the power of mere mortals to inspire through soaring oration, we are including tonight a speech by a man – a man who is known, by various groups of people, in very different ways, and held to many different estimations: we feel these words, in this day and age, speak strongly to the power of the dreams that we may hold.

Mr. State Trooper … Please Don’t Stop Me …

Does the president “have Tourette’s”? How close is North Korea moving toward instigating the next world war? And what about those Russians snapping photos of the Oval Office?

Amidst the explication of the day’s news, we received a glimpse of the life and times of Ken West in West’s comments May 16.

Flash back to a 13 year old Kenny West, traversing central VA route 81 by thumb, moving between the homes of his two divorced parents.

According to the tale, a state trooper “came up on” young Kenny, who wore an Afghan jacket and long “hippie hair,” and in the course of an interrogation, rifled through his pockets, finding approximately 10 grams of hashish wrapped in tin foil.

“I told him they were (Hershey’s) kisses,” West said, admitting that the hash did not look like kisses, but could have been some other form of chocolate.

West said after hauling him back to the station, the officer then suddenly let him go. However, on making his way back to his old haunts, West found his load to be a little lighter – by a few grams.

“He took some of my stuff!” West said. “He was a Vietnam vet – he wanted to get high.”

All in all, West conceded, the situation could have turned out worse.

“He was a sweet-heart,” West said of the state policeman. “It was at that time that I decided I wanted to work in intelligence, in the FBI – not to bust people for a little bit of drugs, you understand … to put the real bad guys away, the murderers, the a-holes.”

Unfortunately for West, he said, the minimum height requirement for the academy was five feet eight inches, while at the apex of his growth, West ranged 5’7” – and a half.

“If I’d have been about a half an inch taller,” West said, rather broadly referencing the current state of American democracy, the efficacy of the country’s rule of law, and its ability to weather corruption and kleptocracy, “none of this bullsh-t would have happened.”



Building the Pyramids

Citing a recent NPR program describing the discovery of multiple sets of bones in North African caves, Ken West says carbon-dated findings from thousands of years ago represent strong indications of the intervention of extraterrestrial life in ancient human affairs.

“It’s way beyond Noah’s ark,” West said, describing the examination of unidentified records from somewhere “near the cradle of civilization” and fossils from the MENA region. “I think they were E.T.”

West theorized that extra-terrestrial life forms from a nearby star made their way through many light years in ships without conventional propellant. “A colony could escape their star.” West said, referring to the plot line of Battlestar Galactica and suggesting a community from well beyond our solar system eventually made its way to Earth, which West affectionately refers to as “the Blue Rose.”

These life forms, he said, ended up mating with humans and assimilating into modern humanity. At the same time, he said, some individual extra-terrestrials have had the ability to arrive on this plant independently, by traveling through the space/time continuum.

West noted theories that suppose extra-terrestrials had contact with ancient Egyptian kings in some way, leading to the creation of immense physical pyramids that would have been difficult to construct within the boundaries of natural human societies of that time.

“Pharaohs were worshipped as Gods,” West said. “This could be a novelette.”

Alluding to Machhu Picchu, which was built much later in the fifteenth century, West described a class of humans or human/extra-terrestrial hybrids who could compel men to build massive stone architectures.

“I don’t think they were the good guys,” West said.

The Egyptian pyramids, he said, were covered with a coating of white limestone, and, like other more modern edifices, looked good when they were new.

“They were like the Washington Monument,” West said. “They were well-kept.”

West also described two distinct classes of laborers involved in pyramid creation: stonemasons and skilled builders near the construction site, and slave laborers largely in quarries.

Of the set of workers who did the finer stone work, West suggested many were farmers who worked on pyramid construction in an idle season.

“They had a time and season,” West said. “They volunteered – it was a national project. They didn’t have cable TV … these guys wanted to get away from their women. All they had was ‘let’s go build something for our god.’”

The larger masses of enslaved workers elsewhere, West conceded, probably did not have any fun at all.

Speaking of the analysis of the stone work at Macchu Picchu, West said the refined nature of the work indicates a mysterious origin, most likely, the hand of a non-human civilization.

“(Macchu Picchu) was a fortress against large numbers of humanoids,” West said.

A gold reserve buried under the site, West said, was eventually looted.

“We’ve had a lot of gold stolen from us over the years,” West said, suggesting extra-terrestrial miners have prized the element for its unique conductivity and atomic properties.

West, who has often characterized himself as a Non-Orientated Sexual Humanoid or NOSH, declined to comment further on ideas about alien intervention that he plans to develop into a “full length feature film.”

“I am coy.” West said.

A New Rat Trap!!

Ken West’s rodent trap is back, and it’s bigger than ever.

In this vintage video from the “early oughts” – we see a younger, scrappier West explaining in detail his revolutionary mousetrap design for Matteus Frankovich somewhere in downtown Charlottesville, VA.

Now, West wants to sell an oversized version of this trap, for rats, to municipalities.

“They’re infesting our world.” West said of the rats. “We don’t want them to **** in our food anymore.”

While the initial design was a live trap, West has now re-engineered the design to  look more like this:

He also describes a “death chamber” for the rats based on their descent into a sequence of holes.

The current plan, West says, is to present the design to both the Paul Newman Foundation and the Gates Foundation. After listening to Bill Gates on NPR, West believes that this is the kind of solution the philanthropist is looking for.

“Every day, it has to be picked up and eliminate the rats.” West says. “I’m a genius. I am. I’m sure this will work.”

A Prayer for Moon Jae-In


What’s happening on the Korean peninsula?

Those of us observing the situation from the other side of the world can’t be exactly sure. However, impending elections in South Korea appear to be changing the calculus on a diplomatic crisis that had many Americans quite worried.

In recent weeks, the American media cycle had allocated many thousands of hours of coverage to talking heads dissecting diplomatic gridlock from all angles: how six party talks might not be possible or yield further resolution, how our only hope is to hang on China, how Trump’s word could escalate a situation already hanging like the sword of Damocles above our collective vision of mutually assured destruction.

Now, South Korean candidate Moon Jae-In appears to be a vehicle of international hope, that perhaps the North and the South can contribute to solving the conflict which has spun so far beyond their borders.

A May 5 Reuters piece herald’s Jae-in’s arrival to prominence, citing efforts to re-open the Kae-Song Industrial Zone and pursue “Sunshine Policy” with the North.

At least one shade-tree political analyst in the United States believes the U.S. owes Jae-In a word of gratitude, and a prayer of enabling, for doing something that he feels America should have done weeks ago.

Itinerant carpenter and political scholar Ken West has been alerting the Charlottesville, VA community about the threat of nuclear war for the past two months, suggesting that food aid and a white flag of peace could prevent cataclysm in Korea. Now, he interprets current NPR reports as assertions that Jae-Ins government is poised to solve a diplomatic problem with “rice balls and $20 bills,” the very same fodder that he has repeatedly advised peacemakers to deliver to the impoverished North Koreans.

While admitting such a move could be seen as a provocation by the North if done by American planes, West has nevertheless been vocally persistent in his efforts to persuade Americans that such a message of love and peace is crucial to their survival. Now, he sees the South Korean candidate as having the potential to deliver that message and save the world.