All posts by A K

First Day of School

In our nightly chat, my seven year old mentioned our dog and how brave she must be.

“She’s not scared of the dark.” he said.

I explained that dogs can see pretty good in the dark – and they can smell meat very well, too.

However, I passed along a little factoid that I’ve heard often enough, but never looked up – so I might be wrong.

I told him dogs are colorblind.

“Well,” he said, “sometimes I think I’m kind of colorblind – because I just don’t pay attention to the colors.”

He told me that yesterday, he didn’t pay attention to the color yellow, and “some other colors.”

Intrigued, I asked him what the yellow thing was that he didn’t pay attention to.

“I don’t know,” he said. “It was kind of in the middle of the day yesterday – and we had a whole day yesterday, and a whole day today.”

Yes, my kid had his first day of school today – he had a great time and his teacher seems nice and he got to walk the last bit of the way to school by himself.

He really wanted to go by himself.

“I’m already here,” I said, walking him down the path, “and I need the exercise, so can I walk with you?”

“You can get exercise walking somewhere else.” he said.

I took myself off in another direction just at the time that one of his best friends came along with his mom, so they walked together to the school.

After school was over, I walked and got him – I had to buzz in with a handheld radio and wait for a while until someone came to escort me in to where the kids were happily playing dodgeball. I told my son how in my day, guys would try to swing that ball right in your face. He said he’s pretty good at dodging.

As we walked out, he asked me if he could walk home by himself.

“I’m already here,” I said. “You can walk ahead if you want  – but I’m a pretty fast walker.”

So we out-walked each other all the way home.

 

Stephen Hawking Approves Major Motion Picture!

In Ken West’s dream, he was moving up a lighted staircase into the sky, with a black dog and two black kittens behind him.

He found a “humanoid presence” at the top, who he called Lucifer, and wrestled with him until the gate was unlocked and the menagerie ventured out into the ethereal plane.

The late Stephen Hawking appeared and gave him some sort of inexplicable advice about global warming, or Trump or something.

“One of our greatest. Dead. Little guy in a wheelchair. Name.” West said, trying to identify the Cambridge-educated theoretical physicist who passed into the unknown in March.

“He told me I could make my motion picture,” West said, rhapsodizing further about the money-making and fame inherent in his eventual plan to release a blockbuster film on America.

Then, he said, he watched a spectacular sunset, with an extra twist.

“The names of all of the saints were written there in gold,” he said. “It was the Tree of Life.”

The dog, he said, probably represented Storm, the Norwegian elkhound who traveled with him in his Ford van throughout the 1990s and, West said, has been re-incarnated.

The kittens, he said, mean “that there is no such thing as bad luck.”

West re-iterated his ongoing claim that he was “right about North Korea” and had a chuckle at the plight of poor Paul Manafort who is facing some time behind bars, along with other assorted characters. As for the ringleader, West speculated that the embattled president could “end up in the box.” “It’s Watergate all over again,” he said. “Too much fast food, no golden toilet for you!”

News from the Front

Our intermittent correspondent is hunkered down in Charlottesville Va, preparing for another weekend of white nationalist activity.

 

This time, he says, police are ready. West detailed to Leading the Horse how a proactive state police force of over 800 has been on the ground looking at potential crowd control problems, and noted the recent hiring of a new police chief who he said is an African-American woman.

 

“The leader of the pack – is black.” West said, adding his own daily activities to his report. “I’m acclimated to the neighborhood … and I played the piano today!”

 

West called back late in the news day with what he characterized as “good news” and a break from his usual doom and gloom reports of nuclear hysteria.

 

“Two Australians figured out how to turn hydrogen into ammonia,” West said. “It will solve the climate change problem.”

West also suggested a new cure for malaria is pending.

 

“All in a week, we got two humanoid problems,” he said.

Applekamp’s Curiosities August 7, 2018

 

AKA Fiction Collection available HERE

Email akapplekamp@yahoo.com to make a deal on any of these items.

 

 

ALEF

Lovingly restored console radio with replaced wooden volume knob – station reception limited. Nice wooden case and fabric speaker shield.

35.00 + shipping/delivery

 

 

BEIT

Exquisite ornate wooden box with metal clasp and handle – perfect for storing fine wine or anything else. Antique finish wood exterior.

 

$25.00 + shipping/delivery

 

GIMEL

Ornate metal music box – plays when opened. Red plush interior.

 

 

$10.00 + shipping/delivery

DALET

 

This plastic antique General Electric model has not yet been refurbished and is in only fair shape

 

 

$30.00 + shipping/delivery

Did Iran Agree Not to Buy?

 

Somebody help me out with something –

 

We know that an ignorant and crass administration is flirting with danger by clumsily inflaming the same Iranian leadership that we used to regard as a serious adversary and treat with diplomatic care. What I haven’t heard about is some of the specific details of “the deal” that is now on the scrapheap and how a certain kind of doomsday scenario might shape up.

 

Ken West is on a mission to alert the world to a critical danger regarding Iran’s possible purchase of nuclear weapons from North Korea.

 

The hermit kingdom is one of West’s favorite subjects – call him and he will explore at great length the plight of the North Korean people, the mind of the nefarious Kim Yong Un (who he says is still “ill”), and the various pursuits of nuclear weapons that are having a destabilizing and frightening effect on the world population.

 

Key to West’s passionate theory is that the nation of Iran is purchasing nuclear weapons from Un’s unfriendly regime in preparation for a colossal confrontation with the West (no pun intended).

 

West also likes to include the danger of an Israeli-based conflict given the long history of tensions there.

 

In a long conversation July 26, West spoke about Iran having long-distance missiles that it could equip with nuclear capacity.

 

“All they have to do is tip them with nukes,” West said.

 

The forthcoming attack, he said, could be difficult to evaluate.

 

“A nuke goes off, it don’t leave much evidence,” West said. “It don’t leave a signature. No signature.”

 

West suggested tactical nuclear weapons might target oil tanks in the Strait of Hormuz, cutting off vital world oil supplies.

 

Having read the news of the day, West also weighed in on the psychology of the American White House and its propensity for aggressive actions.

 

“If he gets his ass caught in a fix, he might say ‘well I’m just going to start a war’” West said, warning of dangerous consequences from capricious political decisions in general.

 

For example, he said, any stray misunderstanding between the military assets of both countries, perhaps in Yemen or elsewhere, could easily start “World War III.”

 

“That’s the kind of thing that happened in World War I – you know that don’t you?” West said. “That (expletive) can happen with evil people.”

 

West’s narrative often repeated makes a significant point – the American government had put all sorts of precautions in place to prevent Iran from developing its own nuclear weapons – but did it also safeguard against a purchase by Iran from another country?

 

I, for one, have no idea.

 

 

Later in the call, West explained the vast diversity of bacteria in the human body.

 

“I got all these creatures in my gut,” he said.

 

One the subject of centaurs, West claimed that if these mythical entities had existed in tandem with the development of human civilizations, the centaurs would not be the slaves, but the masters.

1 Early Morning Tweet….

I HAVE ACHIEVED CARTOONISH LEVELS OF SUCCESS BUT AM A TOTAL MORON! I WILL CONTINUE TO PUT ALL OF YOUR LIVES IN DANGER BECAUSE I AM ALSO THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF AN ABUSED PIT BULL! AHAHAHAAAA! 140 CHARACTERS OR LESS FAM!!!!!!

Recent Conversation with Ken

“You’re not gonna believe this..!”

“What?”

I was laying under this tree – participating in photosynthesis – being baptized again by the rain, The baby bird were singing me a song, you’re not gonna believe what they said!”

“What?”

“They said I am one with God.”

The Rube Goldberg Machine is Broken

Here’s a little something I learned this morning from watching the news with the sound off.

 

It’s just a theory, but it might help illustrate what the hell is going on.

 

The press is digging into the infamous Russia meeting – again – the way it digs into everything else – with little soundbites based on what an embattled and intellectually challenged president calls “leaks” as he vows to hunt down the “leakers” and defeat or humiliate them.

 

But at the heart of a lot of this research and investigative journalism is the same kind of slow, detailed methodical analysis that lawyers use to slowly tighten the snare on a subject or target.

 

Here’s an example from today’s news cycle – CNN reports on a tagline that Donald Trump Junior said, that his father “may have commented” on his June 8 statement “through Hope Hicks.”

 

Why is this little soundbite important? It’s of note to the public, at least marginally (and technically it’s news) which is why it’s plastered all over the television screen, and it could potentially be used as one more little tidbit for lawyers to try to catch out Trump or Trump Jr. or whoever in perjury.

 

However, thinking really hard about both of these adversarial strategies – the public shaming and the legal entrapment, you can see how the prey could wiggle out of both of them, or alternately, how either could spring the trap closed. It’s kind of the Schrödinger’s cat scenario – we just don’t know.

 

Let’s start with the legal strategy. A good lawyer might, at the end of some months and pages and pages of testimony, be able to hang some kind of perjury charge on Donald Trump Jr. for saying that somebody commented on something. However, I don’t think that lawyer could ever, in many months or hundreds of pages of testimony, ever entrap Trump Jr. for saying that his father “may have” commented through Hope Hicks. That simple three-letter word, “may,” is one of the hedge words that lawyers and copywriters and professional liars know so well – it automatically encapsulates the statement from use as perjury fodder. It’s like when the accused always says “I don’t know” or “I don’t recall.”

 

So while some soundbites like the one I mentioned could be used to close the trap on someone who is under investigation, that specific comment, again because of that one word, is not useful.

 

It’s where we come to the second point that we understand that the machines that have always driven our public discourse have inherently changed – the machine is broken – it’s not working the way it should. Its ineffective machine arm keeps flapping back and forth.

 

The idea with public shaming and the revelation of new details every day is that a presidency or administration is supposed to collapse under the weight of them. In theory it would only take one, or two, or three for public opinion to shift. It would only take several of these shameful episodes for the public to turn against a public figure – and for the lawyers, emboldened by this public sentiment, to come forth and do their job.

 

But we have one or more of these every day – for a year and a half! – and it just doesn’t do what it used to do. Maybe the flap that holds up the machine arm of shaming and outrage has just broken off somehow during the 2016 election.

 

Maybe it was a little cheap plastic clasp that was supposed to hold the arm in place, and it had just been tugged on too many times. Maybe there’s a little plastic sliver laying on the ground showing us why the machine just isn’t working.

 

It’s aggravating. It infuriates us. The press and the legal community spend hours and hours of effort trying to make the machine work the way it always has. People talk about the networks and whether they’re fake and how they could improve and what they could do to make things be like they used to be.

 

You’ve seen the Rube Goldberg machine – the little ball drops into the groove and slides past the water glass, which tips over and makes the baby cry so his hand flips over a lever and tickles the cat, which drops the ball on the button which triggers whatever action you’re supposed to be initiating.

 

What do you do when a Rube Goldberg machine is stuck? Do you try to isolate the part that’s not working, the circuit break that’s preventing you from gaining the satisfaction of a job well done? Do you scratch the whole thing and start all over?

 

Our political physics are in turmoil. Our ideas about ourselves and others are under radically new analysis. (See Childish Gambino “This is America”)! We just can’t understand anymore how our personal lives correspond to the personal lives of the people at the very top of our food chain – those leaders of the free world that we’ve always had some kind of strange consensus about.

 

This is not an adversarial post. This is an analytical post. This is an idea about how to understand the ideas that are bombarding us every day. If you’ve read this far, please comment and let me know what you think – what’s up with this machine? What is the machine made of? How does it work? And what in God’s green earth can we do to fix it?